Hello and Assalamualaikum...
"Difficult roads often leads to beautiful destinations." - Anonymous
Deep enough? Heheh... not so aites. I am aware that I did not always blog. I won't say much as it might sound as an excuse. Time really flies really fast and I'm reaching the end of my journey as a diploma student.
*Disclaimer: Don't expect a perfect english write up here as I ain't that good in English (as some of you might know, if not, it will be explained further in this post)
I am left with another 6 more months till I start a new life as a working adult. It still feels like a dream to me to be able to complete these 3 years course. Definitely not an easy journey but I hate to say it is the most enjoyable one. Many things had happen, many things has change. But that is not what I am going to share here.
Last May, I did received an award >Director List< (only top 10% of the cohort will be able to get it). Hey, I am not trying to show off okay. Wait... When I received an email that I was awarded with that, I was in utterly shock! Never in my life have I expecting myself to get one. There are at least 700-800 students in my cohort. Come on, who would dream to fight academically with those people? Not me. unless we have a food fight, then I think I would be able to snatch the championship. However, I do dream of getting it but never did I hope to get one as I know myself well that I am not that clever to reach there. To be honest, I cant even make it to poly when I graduated from secondary school.
I received my O' level results with an 'E' for my English. (Hahaha! Now you know why you shouldn't expect a proper bombastic write up here right?!) I was demotivated and somehow felt depressed. Seeing my other friend make it to poly and starts with their studies while I'm here struggling to be a working teenager. I do not want to work but yet I have to as I wouldn't want to grow more fats by sitting at home asking for money from my parents when I cant even make them proud. I was embarrassed, I felt so ashamed to leave and meet with my friends and other family members. All I want to do during that time was just to bury myself alive. I'm to afraid to answer them.
Friend: So, which course are you in right now?
Me: I failed. So maybe, Inshallah next year?
Many things played in my mind. And I realised that those are just a scary events that I self-create because I expect too much from myself. Since young, I did not want to be seen as someone who is weak and low. But that also doesn't mean I stood out trying to be the smarty ass kid in class. I kept quite and just observed. If I'm not sure, I zipped up my lips. Wah...
I retook my English and the result doesnt come out good. I borderline passed my English. Wah piang, I swear cannot make it one. Then due to not being able to apply to my desired course, I chose Nursing which is the highest point. Disappointed? Yes, somehow... why? I'm not fond to nursing. I hate Bio. I hate being fake nice to people. I hate the idea of caring for others when I can spend that time to care for myself better. But not wanting to be a useless sloth for another year, I sign up for that course without knowing what is up for me.
Fast forward, I got accepted but again, I was surrounded with smart, act smart, lazy free loader and name it all guys. My!!! Before first sem start, I aim to get the Director List Award (DLA) but when I've gotten back my first sem result, I was like -forget it lah- Dream big only but never put effort also for what? To be honest, in that class I felt I was stupid, slow and one of the idiot students. They say words can be a prayer and I really failed my skill assessment. Wahhh!!!! I can cry already!!!! Why oh why? Hahaha!
With the support of my dear best friends, Hajar and Gana (Weyh, I feature you guys here!) and few friends and classmates who helped me to regain back my confidence to complete the paper. I was more than happy and thankful not to fail again which also means I did not have to repeat module! From this moment onwards, I work extra harder and starts to be more attentive in class but not when when my Korean oppa calling me to watch them. I start to learn to manage my time and find different types of learning styles that suits me. I was also forced to stay back everyday in the library till 9pm with my dear annoying Gana whom plays the important role to my success now.
I start to like nursing and enjoy it. I love biology. I can't believe how much i really hate bio last time. I love to care for my patients, hearing their stories and complains everyday. I love nursing as it doesn't limit my learning.
Today, I have received a letter from MOE congratulating me for receiving the Edusave Merit Bursary Award (EMBA). Not trying to be full of myself, like I have said, just sharing. I won't be able to achieve these things if I did not change. If i would be persistent to be the same old me, I will continue failing. But due to a change of mindset, it change my attitude towards learning. I am more positive towards learning, positive toward my friends and importantly positive towards myself. I'm thirst for success, I work towards it, rather than waiting for it to come to me.
Moral of this is that, things happen for a reason. It taught you something even though it is really painful and hurting. You have to cry and get wounded but that doesn't mean you can stop. You have to stand even how painful it is, you still have to finish up your own race that you start. Start thinking positively and everything inshaalah, will be better. Everything start from you and it also ends with you, yourself. Only you can change your destiny.
Thankfully, I have a supportive mother and friends that never stop pushing me forward. Thank you Gana for always be there for me and stayed through this hardship with me. Thank you for entertaining the competitive side of me and assure me that I have you to depend on.
Thank you Hajar for staying and be so supportive. We don't always meet, even if we meet, we often have small cute arguments but nonetheless, it was a fun one. 11 years... A very long one indeed. I love you!! Let's graduate and you can be missy Hajar!
Icha Nisa
